making a blog while watching glee...

argh...this is a take two. the first draft i typed wasn't saved automatically and it's pissing me off. i'm a bit hammered. i have been drinking redhorse for a couple of hours now. redhorse is a liqour here in the Philippines. i'm drinking so that i could sleep because of what happened. my mind is troubled. i can't think straight. i missed her. but with just one simple text from her, it's like everything is...ok. my actions betrayed my words. i said i wouldn't care but it's the opposite that is happening. i know about her and her D. she kept lying to me, it's like the pain i'm going through is not enough. how much pain is enough for her. do i have to bleed, do i have to suffer for her to be satisfied. i am not the person to change her, she would only change for the person she loves. i'm not that guy. now i know the breathe and width of her influence on me. i missed her, i would admit that. but she never was that caring to me than that of the other guy. i'm jealous but he might understand her more than i did. he loves her with a passion i think. but when she said those simple word "i love you" everything disappears. everything turns hazy. they were singing uptown girl cover by the warblers. i hate this, i hate what she did to me. please God give me strength to go on. i'm going to finish this bottle of redhorse grande. even the glee project is becoming interesting to me. ah, the power of liquor. i'm using beer googles now. hehe. hmmm don't stop believing...signature song of glee. DON'T STOP BELIEVING, HOLD ON TO THAT FEELING!!!!AHHHH...wait...i've been thinking...why would she say i love you to me? what was that for...i'm really confused...she said i'm disposable...