guess i won't be sleeping soon, my mind is in turmoil. i'm making this blog just for this occasion, i know next to nothing about blogging but i'm gonna try this as a stress buster. i heard somewhere that you have to channel this negative energy into something creative. i choose blogging so if this is not to par what with the simple background and all, for now who cares. i just want to vent my pain, my anger, my ache. i've been betrayed yet again, the last to know about certain events. boohoo, you might say. been there, done that. i'm a walking cliche', people would think this is just a common problem but to me it feels heavy. so heavy. i know she has moved on and i'm happy for her (ha ha! do i sense bitterness?). it's still painful nonetheless. i know it's gonna happen but no matter how prepared you are, how psychologically and mentally prepared, it doesn't mean squat to the actual pain. it's just a continuous gut wrenching pain. like one time i got a really bad stomach ache that i was ready to climb the walls in my room, i had to be hospitalized. that kind of pain times a thousand more. i don't know what to do. it helped a little when i started searching for songs about heartache, of losing someone, of parting with the one you love, of how to move on love songs in YouTube. some were really cheesy, it did help to lessen the pain but it's not enough. my teacher once told me i had to share this feelings because if i can't express it and try to suppress or repress it, it will come back someday in a form of an illness. i don't want it to be that extreme. i just want to grieve a little, do a self pity mode. i need someone to talk to but no one's here. i'm going loco just thinking about it. its not so simple as flushing it out and be done with. but somehow this blogging helps. if i try to sleep, a veritable wall of memories keeps parading in my head while i close my eyes. then the ache starts, caught in a vise like grip, your heart slowly dying. can't sleep, wish i could. a dreamless sleep if that's too much to ask. i feel the veins in my neck popping out just by trying so hard to rest and catch some zzz's. here are the list of songs i got so far...
- set you free by side a
- steep
- maybe by secondhand serenade
- art of letting go
- how to heal a broken heart
- one last cry by south border
- pain in my heart
- you've made me stronger
- thanks to you
- i'll say goodbye for the two of us
- before i let you go by freestyle
- i love you goodbye
- parting time by rockstar
- if the feeling is gone
- tuyo nang damdamin by silent sanctuary
- wala na tayo by kean cipriano
- di lang ikaw by juris
- hiling by silent sanctuary
- maalaala mo sana by silent sanctuary
- sandali lang by silent sanctuary
uh, many of silent sanctuary songs captures what i felt right now. it's 2:17am while still doing this blog and it's the 23rd of november, 23 being the date we met. it's just a memory now. bittersweet taste left in my mouth. maybe i'll research a little about blogging so that i could somehow change the way this look background wise. for now, i'm at that stage of what you can call a minimalist blog. no fanfare, no fireworks happening in the background. so i hope this blog will be an effective sounding board. no pressure whatsoever.
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